It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way...
This is the archive of the #N IRC Quotes Repository.
Only displaying quotes submitted by blue_tetris. You can remove this filter.
| #2047 4.54/5 blue_tetris 2010-09-19 |
[23:34:30] <Torex> I feel compelled to watch SNL, but every time I watch it, I end up hating it more. [23:35:04] <GamingWolf> In fact everytime someone dies... the show jumps the shark again. [23:36:08] <~blue_tetris> The only thing funny about SNL is how often the cast members die. [23:36:28] <flag> Not true. [23:37:49] <~blue_tetris> The only thing funny about dying is when it happens to a comedian. [23:38:21] <Torex> Not really. [23:38:34] <Torex> I can't remember something funny about a comedian dying. [23:38:44] <Torex> George Carlin, Bernie Mac... [23:39:02] <~blue_tetris> Hahahahaha, Bernie Mac's death was hilarious. [23:39:05] <~blue_tetris> I love black comedy. |
| #1770 4.52/5 blue_tetris 2010-03-30 |
SlappyMcGee: We would make good drug dealers, I think. blue_tetris: I know that I would. blue_tetris: In that I sold marijuana briefly at Wesleyan. SlappyMcGee: I refuse to believe this. blue_tetris: Alright blue_tetris: There is an old, unused phone out there somewhere with the name "Snow" saved as a contact. blue_tetris: I -want you- not to believe this. blue_tetris: It will amuse me. SlappyMcGee: ... SlappyMcGee: Snow? SlappyMcGee: Hahahaha. SlappyMcGee: Furthermore, how did you become Snow's mule? blue_tetris: She and I got high for a while, and she came to trust me. SlappyMcGee: Why was his name Snow? Nobody I know would choose the name Snow. SlappyMcGee: SNOW IS A SHE? SlappyMcGee: Fiction. blue_tetris: Hahahaha. SlappyMcGee: Goodnight, Nurse. blue_tetris: Ahaha. blue_tetris: I seriously handed weed to people and was handed money by them. blue_tetris: This happened a fair amount. blue_tetris: I wasn't a -mule-, wandering into neon-lit clubs afterhours, pulsing with tunes to make a Tuesday sweat trickle head to tow. blue_tetris: Head to -tow-. SlappyMcGee: You weren't a nothing because you are making this up as you go along. blue_tetris: I'm making up scant shit to make it hilarious. blue_tetris: But I did sell weed. SlappyMcGee: I forgot to mention this earlier, but did I ever tell you I'm a certified pilot? blue_tetris: What do you want to believe about me? blue_tetris: You're ridiculous. SlappyMcGee: Shit must have been good, since Snow, whom you were also sleeping with, was using only the highermost channels to distribute her Chronic. blue_tetris: I was not sleeping with Snow. blue_tetris: She had a boyfriend. blue_tetris: And it was generally awkward already. And I respected the woman. SlappyMcGee: I'm sorry, I mean no disrespect, but I do not think your nerdy college black belt friends are a good source for your alleged dealings with Snow and the Marijuana Gang. blue_tetris: I'm actually clean and sober, 17 years running. blue_tetris: I want to get into a good college, don't I? blue_tetris: I don't know what you care to believe about me, now, Slaps. So I'll say -anything-. blue_tetris: Do you think that I've ever smoked weed at all? blue_tetris: Or rolled. blue_tetris: For that matter. SlappyMcGee: I think I'm going to look up Snow in a phone book. blue_tetris: Bathtub meth scene. blue_tetris: Dude, I'm being legit here. blue_tetris: You somehow disbelieve that I could possibly have been into a drug scene earlier in life. blue_tetris: Two years ago, when I was in junior high. SlappyMcGee: You know that a story doesn't all of the sudden have cred because you say thatt you are being legit. SlappyMcGee: The legit card can only be pulled so many times. blue_tetris: I'm just asking what you think the truth is, before you glare at me and The Puzzle plays lazily on oboe. blue_tetris: I am being forthright with you. blue_tetris: I've never been to a concert, I've done a lot of drugs but stopped nearly all of that shit, I handed weed to people that handed me money, which I handed to a girl named Snow. blue_tetris: Honest to all fuck. SlappyMcGee: You are being forthright in saying that you knew Snow, renegade "Marijuana Mistress" whom you respect and had you deal out wacky tobacky to the kids at some sort of college you went to? blue_tetris: We used to do DXM and play D&D in Navy Friend Bobby's stepmom, Dot's basement, on her billiard table. SlappyMcGee: Why don't you smoke weed anymore? blue_tetris: Because I don't like me on weed, I dont know anyone in Huntington who sells, except Schizophrenic Jesse's old roommate Morgan who I lost touch with. blue_tetris: And I found better and cheaper chemicals. blue_tetris: That Jesse and Dr. Mike PhD did hop on Ventrilo one time in 2006 and almost tell everyone who I was, after I told Jesse not to fuck with me while I was on the net, figuring he'd try to spoil shit. blue_tetris: And Gdubs and Blizz and LV were nearly privy to this shit, if not for my social engineering. blue_tetris: There's shit you don't know about me that I am trying to tell you. blue_tetris: But nooooooooooooooooo, Dave can't possibly have ever smoked the reefah. SlappyMcGee: You are turning it into that argument because you can't argue the fact taht you are an ex meth addict under the mind control of Mistress Snow. blue_tetris: It was a chick that I helped to sell weed. blue_tetris: Weed sellers aren't pin-stripe suit-wearing 1930's thugs. They're normal people. blue_tetris: You discover them after hanging out long enough with a group of friends. blue_tetris: They could even be living in your neighborhood. SlappyMcGee: Dave, your mind is a beautiful place. I just don't live in it. blue_tetris: I'm amazed. SlappyMcGee: Welcome to the real world: SlappyMcGee: Snow does not exist. SlappyMcGee: You are not the world's leading Cocaine distributor. blue_tetris: Her -real name-, by the way. blue_tetris: Not a nick name. Her trailer park parents lent her that name. SlappyMcGee: No, seriously, one block over from me, there is a house owned by seven dudes I went to high school with. SlappyMcGee: And they all grow and sell. blue_tetris: I have no reason to disbelieve this. SlappyMcGee: ---Under the direction of this fellow with ling wispy hair by the name of Pegasus. blue_tetris: In truth, there's no way that you can know the -real- person that sells marijuana. blue_tetris: It's mined from the Halak'thir, in the seventh sublevel of the Plane of Shadows. blue_tetris: And only the ancients ever met the Originus, his name "Brodua Cambion". blue_tetris: I happened to luck out and find one of the 13 ancients, and had a good friendship with her. blue_tetris: After she cast an Intrinsic on me, to make me her weedslave. SlappyMcGee: Your story is so ridiculous. SlappyMcGee: Do you realize how unhealthy this lying is, Dave? SlappyMcGee: Do you want to end up like Jesse? SlappyMcGee: -No-. blue_tetris: My story has three elements that are unbelievable to you: That people are cool enough with me to buy weed from me, that there's a woman named Snow somewhere, and that the Everstream's Vitae is strong enough to supply Hearthlife to the Godcrop here in West Virginia. SlappyMcGee: Let me be clear. SlappyMcGee: I do not believe that, anywehre in all of Earth, there is a woman named Snow. SlappyMcGee: Now, let's say she did exist. SlappyMcGee: Did she sell Pot? SlappyMcGee: No. SlappyMcGee: She did not. blue_tetris: What else is she gonna do with her life? She was an ex-stripper who needed a man that didn't see her as an object. blue_tetris: And we happened across each other when she was contemplating suicide that rain-soaked night, on the Buchannon bridge. SlappyMcGee: Describe her, David. Physically. blue_tetris: Hair straight, long and white; Snow was no ordinary runner. She was perfectly pale, save for faint tan lines falling heavy on her chest. Her eye color was a silvery-blue--hues shielded by the shade-lenses fixed into her eye sockets. Meeting her gaze only revealed your own eyes, staring back at you. SlappyMcGee: You have these spiderwebs of real information and stories you saw in science fiction short stories. blue_tetris: Assuming that I'm not -purposefully- doing any of this, and it's coming from a real place. SlappyMcGee: I'm sure you rationalize that you do the mythomania intentionally. SlappyMcGee: Then it isn't a problem. blue_tetris: Jon Benjamin really is on Dmitri Martin's show, and it's one of his only live action gigs. SlappyMcGee: That was before. blue_tetris: He did earlier work with the Upright Citizen's Brigade. blue_tetris: Who I met personally, on a white water rafting trip in Colorado. SlappyMcGee: Hahahaahahaha. blue_tetris: We didn't raft together, per se, but they were there in the lodge when we returned. blue_tetris: ...Her name really is Snow. blue_tetris: Honest. To. Christ. SlappyMcGee: SHE DOES NOT EXIST blue_tetris: GODDAMMIT SHE DOES blue_tetris: I SWEAR TO YOU blue_tetris: I DO NOT PERPETUATE A LIE AT THIS GREAT A LENGTH blue_tetris: YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY WORK SlappyMcGee: YOU SPENT FOUR YEARS SlappyMcGee: YOU HAD DEAD PARENTS SlappyMcGee: SIBLINGS SlappyMcGee: SUZIE SlappyMcGee: GAAGFAGFG{AHAgV SlappyMcGee: 'dsgl,mAN <SCgvasdnk;nbhaw[ SlappyMcGee: ];wdvBK'WERAH]P; SlappyMcGee: BWzf} SlappyMcGee: :HBZabH:QK SlappyMcGee: GL:A blue_tetris: Alright, so we're 1:1. SlappyMcGee: Unrelated: I'm a member of the Green Lantern Corps. blue_tetris: I sold marijuana. blue_tetris: And smoked a lot at Wesleyan. It's among reasons why I'm not there, studying Creative Writing, anymore. SlappyMcGee: I am very skeptical of Snow, however, who didn't smoke and sell weed? I believe you but find it unremarkable. SlappyMcGee: Let me say this: do you know how screwed you are if you ever get Alzheimers? There was an entirely believable backstorry that isn't true at all, and a real backstory that has characters like Snow and the mysterious barman. blue_tetris: Dude, Alzheimer's is pretty amazing. blue_tetris: But I'd not care if I confused my own concoctions with memories. My shit's better anyhow. SlappyMcGee: Scariest thing ever written on the internet. |
| #1333 4.49/5 blue_tetris 2009-06-30 |
[17:19:09] <incluye> I'm unimpressed with L4D. [17:26:36] <incluye> I mean, honestly. [17:30:03] <incluye> Let's go kill some zombies, then kill some more, then kill some more, then kill some more, then kill some more, then kill some more, then kill some more, then kill a few more. [17:30:47] <~blue_tetris> Let's shoot enemies, then shoot more enemies, then shoot more enemies, then shoot more enemies, next level. [17:30:55] <~blue_tetris> ^Description of Half Life 2. [17:31:15] <~blue_tetris> Or stupid, faux ironic description of any FPS. [17:31:47] <incluye> Not exactly, Dave. [17:35:55] <~blue_tetris> N is so boring. [17:36:07] <~blue_tetris> Jump, avoid things, jump, avoid things, jump, avoid things, next level. [17:36:24] <@Yahoozy> Have you ever played Zelda, Dave? [17:36:35] <@Yahoozy> Go to dungeon, collect things, go to next dungeon, collect things, next level. [17:37:06] <~blue_tetris> Have you ever played baseball, hooz? [17:37:18] <~blue_tetris> Hit the ball, run, hit the ball, run, hit the ball, run, next level. [17:37:50] <@Yahoozy> Ever play working at McDonald's, Dave? [17:38:05] <@Yahoozy> Flip a burger, serve it to someone, flip a burger, serve it to someone, next level. [17:38:28] <~blue_tetris> You ever experienced life, hooz? [17:38:38] <~blue_tetris> Pay taxes, die, pay taxes, die, pay taxes, die, next level. [17:38:20] <@Yahoozy> Ever play serial rapist, Dave? [17:38:48] <@Yahoozy> Kill a child, rape her corpse, kill a child, rape her corpse, next level. [17:39:53] <@Yahoozy> Have you heard Bob Saget's Aristocrats joke? [17:40:23] <~blue_tetris> Incestuous dogfuck, Aristocrats, incestuous dogfuck, Aristocrats, incestuous dogfuck, Aristocrats, next level. [17:42:13] <@Yahoozy> Ever make a joke that mocks incluye and his Left 4 Dead generalizations? [17:42:33] <@Yahoozy> Make a generalization, next level, make a generalization, next level, make a generalization, next level, next level. |
| #756 4.45/5 blue_tetris 2008-07-27 |
[20:06] <~blue_tetris> Dominos does this "three infinite-topping pizzas for $21.99" deal. [20:06] <~blue_tetris> So I was gonna ask for infinitely many toppings. [20:07] <~blue_tetris> And then I thought "Hey, I could get infinitely many servings of pineapple for the same price." [20:07] <~blue_tetris> And then I was like "Oooh! Could I get infinitely many toppings of infinitely many different toppings?" [20:07] <~blue_tetris> This brings up the issue of cardinality. [20:08] <~blue_tetris> Certainly, infinitely many pineapples must be fewer than infinitely many iterations of each of an infinite -set- of toppings. [20:08] <~blue_tetris> I'm going to call them up and ask what the cardinality of the total set of infinite toppings must be. [20:10] <kami> You're gonna make Domino's go bankrupt. None of us will be able to do this now =[ [20:12] <Animator> Are you actually calling them? [20:13] <~blue_tetris> When I asked if I could have infinite pinapples, the chick said it'd cost infinity dollars. When I asked about an infinite quantity for each of an infinite number of toppings, she said it'd cost infinity dollars, wherein each dollar possess infinite cents--thus matching the cardinality of the toppings with the cardinality of the payment. [20:13] <~blue_tetris> It turns out I got the -one- mathematician pizza girl. [20:14] <Blazeraid> She's probably a total slut too. [20:14] <Blazeraid> Go for it. |
| #1033 4.40/5 blue_tetris 2009-01-11 |
* Anon2 (vguorga@wpe-E62D1A86.t-mobile.co.uk) has joined #n <Anon2> hi. <SlappyMcGee> Oh. <Anon2> Anything going on here? <SlappyMcGee> We're all on our cellphones. <SlappyMcGee> It's pretty sweet. <Anon2> im posting from a phone <~blue_tetris> We all are. <Anon2> what irc client r u usin <Anon2> im usimg virca, its not v.good but its the only 1 that works <~blue_tetris> Virca. <SlappyMcGee> Mircphone. Came with Verizon. <Anon2> is it j2me? <~blue_tetris> Absolutely, yes. <Anon2> free? <~blue_tetris> Yup. You just have to know where to wrangle it. <Anon2> Mirchone thatis <~blue_tetris> Oh. <~blue_tetris> Hm. <Anon2> how do u get mircphone <SlappyMcGee> Oh, almost certainly. <~blue_tetris> They will send you one if you Rehnquist it. <~blue_tetris> *request <Anon2> how? it is j2me rite? <SlappyMcGee> Yeah. <SlappyMcGee> Use the request fumtion inthe browser/ <~blue_tetris> Slappy McCain and I had to downstream it from the International Trade Commission. <Anon2> What browsdr? the phone one? <~blue_tetris> Oprah Winfrey. <Anon2> opera mini? therer n o requfst thhng <SlappyMcGee> Yeah, use the vbrowser and get the cellphone software from Networks Inc. It does jtme no problem, but you're going to have some issues on the front end. <Anon2> Whats vbrowser <~blue_tetris> Slappy McFarlane used Firefighter to get it. <Anon2> Whats firefighter?! <SlappyMcGee> vbrowser is obviously the frontend browser from the Verizon Inc. works that comes with their phone, but you can get it really easy. <SlappyMcGee> Go to the phone terminal, and keytype : sudo apt-get vbrowser v1.56 <Anon2> im in the uk mind. <Anon2> What phone terminak? soz but i dont undestand any of this <SlappyMcGee> Maybe you need to apt-get the phone terminal. <~blue_tetris> Sloppy McMuffin had to make Maine workhorse. I had a brunch of Tribbles doing it myself. <SlappyMcGee> Do you have access to a Linux PC, preferably ubuntu, with a USB 1.1 port? <Anon2> isnt apt-get a linux thing? <Anon2> no. <SlappyMcGee> Mmm. Okay, we there's a workaround. <SlappyMcGee> You're going to need a GRUB bootloader for the cell. <~blue_tetris> Does your clientele let you set your Nick DiPaolo? <SlappyMcGee> You can probably unetbootin one, but I doubt you have a means of file-to-file transfer. <~blue_tetris> Because you're using a Def Jam one. <Anon2> ive got a samsung sgh-e740 on t-mobile uk. <SlappyMcGee> Oh, good. <SlappyMcGee> The netchip in there has an easily flashed bios. <Anon2> i dont understand any of this!!! <Anon2> ur tricking me arent u <SlappyMcGee> Just flash it using a screwdriver after removing the casing -there's plenty of tutorials online- and then reinstall using a kubuntu mixer. <SlappyMcGee> You caught me. <SlappyMcGee> I am tricking you. <~blue_tetris> Pringles houseboat the same moose because apparently the almond joy broken or something. <SlappyMcGee> A kubuntu mixer won't work. <SlappyMcGee> That was amateur of me. <~blue_tetris> Mine works well enough. <SlappyMcGee> You're probably going to have to use a Xubuntu for that kind of netchip. <SlappyMcGee> Do you have the original warantee? <Anon2> so i cant get mircphone? <SlappyMcGee> Because there might be a workaround software with the company. <~blue_tetris> My Netgear is more or lesbian broderbund but he got mine working. <SlappyMcGee> Yeah, but lowfi netchips are way harder. <SlappyMcGee> Tried configuring through the helpfile? <~blue_tetris> Make sure the warrantee is stillborn bleeding fetus. <Anon2> Whats going on?!?! <~blue_tetris> What's your usual Nicorette? <SlappyMcGee> Listen; open up principal config and see if you can't do something directly to flash the netchip bios. <SlappyMcGee> If you can't find anything, lose the window "/run:" and call the company. <Anon2> What are we talking about? <SlappyMcGee> They'll give you a workaround, you can install the apt-get linux, and then install the vbrowser. <SlappyMcGee> The vbrowser will let you apt get the mircophone. <SlappyMcGee> Which goes directly to your newly unconfigured microphone. <~blue_tetris> Jesuit crapes. My cell keepsake misogyny. How do I turn off the automobile Charles Nelson Reilly. <SlappyMcGee> Just run the old system restore using the new config that you save on usb 1.1 <SlappyMcGee> And then reboot using the new mirco soft with the old mic config. <SlappyMcGee> Also, blue_tetris, there is a fix for that. <SlappyMcGee> Anon probably knows it, it's old hat. <SlappyMcGee> You just flip open the reverb center at the base, and run a pencil doesn't the slit. <~blue_tetris> What do I have to The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson settings menu? <SlappyMcGee> Fills in the broken connection on the elec panel. <SlappyMcGee> No, don't touch that. <SlappyMcGee> It's pretty complicated stuff. <SlappyMcGee> You can get a good TOSJC off the Xu forums. <~blue_tetris> Is there a Methodist for extradicting The Lost World: Jurassic Park air filter Hotel California, smooch Arbeit Macht Frei or the juice hall? [08:19:50] * Anon2 (vguorga@wpe-E62D1A86.t-mobile.co.uk) Quit (Client exited) |
| #1589 4.39/5 blue_tetris 2009-11-04 |
blue_tetris: Maybe by getting my forehead to smell like pennies and onions. blue_tetris: XDDD ^_>^ blue_tetris: OH MY GOD I HAVE THE HICCUPS blue_tetris: D= blue_tetris: WHO ARE YOU Playing L4D with? Hoss G. Wallpepper: Bong people. blue_tetris: Wahaha, awesome. Hoss G. Wallpepper: Loads of Bongers. blue_tetris: You know how I feel about those guys. blue_tetris: I think that it's a shame that America, which made hemp illegal for admittedly racist reasons against the Mexicans early in its history, refuses to recant on its previous actions and re-evaluate the substance on equal grounds. blue_tetris: I think it's important your allies fighting the good fight by putting [BONG] in their names keep perspective on the issue. Hoss G. Wallpepper: I think it's a goddamn shame that hippies and wetbacks are 'lloud to bein' steppin' on 'Merican soil likes it their goddamn property. blue_tetris: I hate it when I start to shave the length of my taint and then I hiccup and I nick my taint with the blade. blue_tetris: And then taintjuice (scientific term: prostatic lymph) oozes out of the gaping taintwound all over my burgundy pie-chart, making it all messy and ivory-tone. blue_tetris: And then the lengthy prostatecord whips out of my taint. blue_tetris: Flopping around like an untended firehouse. blue_tetris: Spraying protosemen in every direction as I fumble the razor. blue_tetris: The razor slips and testicles, by the handful, spin effortlessly skyward. blue_tetris: Then the now-vacant meatslop hanging from my legs, which used to be a scroat. blue_tetris: Now resembles pouting, menstruation-soaked labia. blue_tetris: In an effort to retain my testicles, instinctively--the same drive what had lil' Ms. Kennedy reaching back for brainmeat that fateful morn--I swing wildly into the air. Hoss G. Wallpepper: I got absolutely nothing until this point. blue_tetris: Trying to grab the grapes as they comet-tail blood and semen all over my face and shoulders. Hoss G. Wallpepper: And closed the window. |
| #201 4.38/5 blue_tetris 2007-05-31 |
[05:44:04] <Yanni> I almost had nuts. [05:44:34] <Ultima> You had Second-Nuts. [05:44:47] <blue_tetris> You had undernuts. [05:44:50] <Ultima> Or Second Best Nuts. [05:45:00] <blue_tetris> Subnuts. [05:45:08] <Ultima> Under par nuts. [05:45:17] <Ultima> Mini Nuts. [05:45:17] <blue_tetris> Antenuts. [05:45:24] <Ultima> Mixed Nuts. [05:45:31] <blue_tetris> Nutty Buddy Bar. [05:46:38] <blue_tetris> La legumes petits. [05:46:52] <Ultima> Ity bitty Nuts. [05:47:00] <blue_tetris> Protonuts. [05:47:01] <Yanni> YES, YES, I DID NOT QUITE HAVE THE NUTS. |
| #1245 4.35/5 blue_tetris 2009-05-15 |
[05:05:31] <~blue_tetris> I just went over everyone's head and, without any consultation whatsoever, altered the forum layout to my liking. [05:05:33] <~blue_tetris> -Too bad-. [05:05:47] <@Lenny> Which skin though? [05:05:55] <@Lenny> Or all? [05:06:31] <~blue_tetris> The layout. The forum names, the thread locations, everything. [05:06:38] <~blue_tetris> It's all new and it's all mine. [05:06:43] <@Lenny> Oh, cool. [05:06:49] <~blue_tetris> Again, -fuck you-. Didn't want it changed? -Too bad-. [05:06:56] <~blue_tetris> -Fuck you-. [05:07:02] <@Lenny> I don't mind. [05:07:12] <~blue_tetris> Mmmmmm... [05:07:18] <@Lenny> Well, actually, I haven't seen it. But it doesn't sound like a bad idea. [05:07:19] <~blue_tetris> I hate everything that you represent, Leonard. |
| #701 4.32/5 blue_tetris 2008-06-15 |
[19:44] * Now talking in #cpp [19:44] * Set by jtbandes on Sun Jun 15 12:40:20 [19:44] <blue_tetris> You -can't- stimulate the infinite penis. If the penis is infinitely long, the stimulus will never reach a nerve center. [19:45] <blue_tetris> Therefore, there can be no response to the stimulus. [19:45] <blue_tetris> Moreover, the balls are at the -base- of the penis. But if the penis is infinite, it possesses no base. [19:45] <blue_tetris> Therefore, no balls. [19:45] <blue_tetris> Therefore, no semen. [19:45] <@blue_tetris> This penis is a rod without termination, extending infinitely in either direction. [19:46] <@blue_tetris> -Additionally-. I posit that it would be impossible to stimulate it in the first place, because the area you could cover with any finite mouth, cooch, or hand would be infinitesimal compared to the full penis. [19:46] <@blue_tetris> And the pleasure, too, infinitesimal--that is to say, mathematically equivalent to zero. [19:46] <@blue_tetris> Or, rather, indistinguishable from zero pleasure. [19:48] <@blue_tetris> Ooooh, wait! [19:48] <@blue_tetris> There's an ontological quandary here. [19:48] <@blue_tetris> To be a penis, it must possess a tip and a shaft. [19:48] <@blue_tetris> And the tip is at the terminal point of the penis. [19:48] <@blue_tetris> But this penis possesses no terminal point, due to its infiniteness. [19:48] <@blue_tetris> Therefore, it's not a penis. [19:49] <@blue_tetris> An infinite penis must either be finite or not be a penis. [19:49] * You were kicked by smartalco |
| #247 4.31/5 blue_tetris 2007-07-12 |
[02:38:21] * Ninja_alamode kicks chaoswolf in the testicles [02:38:29] <blue_tetris> Woah, dude. [02:38:33] <ChaosWolf> Ninja, too late, I have cancer [02:38:34] <blue_tetris> Ninja... uncalled for. [02:38:39] <ChaosWolf> Testicular cancer [02:38:44] <blue_tetris> Yeah... [02:38:51] <blue_tetris> What the fuck, man. [02:38:59] <blue_tetris> I'm sure he didn't mean to bring it up, Cdubs. [02:39:10] <Ninja_alamode> I didn't know that...sorry... [02:39:39] <Ninja_alamode> If I would have known...I wouldn't have posted that... [02:39:43] <blue_tetris> I'm putting ninja_alamode on ignore. [02:39:49] <blue_tetris> I just... that crossed the line. [02:40:18] <Ninja_alamode> blue, you're really making me feel bad...I didn't even know..... [02:40:29] <blue_tetris> I'm making -you- feel bad? [02:40:37] <blue_tetris> Wow, then I can only imagine how Cdubs feels. [02:41:43] <Ninja_alamode> Hey I didn't even know about that...I'm sorry jeeze... [02:41:57] <blue_tetris> I'm sorry too. [02:42:01] <blue_tetris> Sorry about Cdubs. [02:42:04] <blue_tetris> And his cancer. [02:42:31] <Ninja_alamode> Same here, if I would have known I wouldn't have posted that... [02:43:42] <blue_tetris> You wouldn't have posted that? Imagine what Cdubs wouldn't have posted if he still had testicles instead of cancer. [02:44:17] <Kabloxy|774> Come on, Dave, you're being irrational. I'm sure Alamode is truly sorry. [02:44:36] <Kabloxy|774> Right, Alamode? [02:44:41] <Ninja_alamode> I said I'm sorry, rather than rubbing it in can we just forget about this? [02:44:46] <Ninja_alamode> Yes I am truly sorry... [02:44:50] <Kabloxy|774> Agreed. Dave, shake on it? [02:44:55] <blue_tetris> I wish Cdubs could be rubbing his balls right now. [02:45:01] <blue_tetris> But he has cancer instead. [02:45:09] <blue_tetris> Shake? You -would- go there. [02:45:17] <Kabloxy|774> Yeah, I would. [02:45:33] <blue_tetris> You want to shake? [02:45:49] <blue_tetris> I bet Cdubs wants to shake too. Shake a scrotum containing two healthy testicles. [02:45:52] <blue_tetris> Instead of cancer. [02:46:08] <Kabloxy|774> Aw, come on. Testicular cancer isn't all that rare at 40, really. [02:46:25] <Kabloxy|774> ER, 39. THIRTY-NINE. [02:47:16] <Ninja_alamode> Must you try to rub it in tetris? It's not like I knew, and I have already said I am sorry...now you're just being an ass. [02:47:32] <ChaosWolf> I'm crying right now [02:48:16] <blue_tetris> ... [02:48:48] <ChaosWolf> Why did you have to mention ass? [02:48:57] <ChaosWolf> You do know that Dave has... [02:49:03] <ChaosWolf> Ass Cancer... [02:49:52] <blue_tetris> The doctors say I've only got two more weeks to use my ass. [02:50:07] <blue_tetris> So, I've sorta been doing everything I ever wanted to do with my ass. [02:50:28] <blue_tetris> Parasailing, deep sea snorkeling, train conducting... [02:51:15] <Ninja_alamode> Ok...I am starting to think this whole thing was a joke on me... [02:51:27] <blue_tetris> Hole thing???? Hole thing???!?!?! [02:51:32] <blue_tetris> ?!@??!@?@ [02:52:03] * Ninja_alamode has quit IRC (Quit: CGI:IRC) |
| #711 4.28/5 blue_tetris 2008-06-22 |
[10:31:22] <Stephen> What is a word for if something has no texture? [10:33:04] <~blue_tetris> It has to possess -some- texture. [10:34:32] <Stephen> I'm describing a beach, and you know it's a beach, but the surface is just blank, there are no grains of sand. [10:35:49] <~blue_tetris> I dunno if there's a single word for it. [10:37:12] <~blue_tetris> I stepped across the surface of a beach; the graces and nuance of the material realm were missing--not a grain of sand or errant shell touched the shore. It was a faceless front for the <adjective> sea carving its form. [10:37:52] <~blue_tetris> Where <adjective> could be "smooth", "rolling", or "Kool-Aid" if it was some wacky dreamcolor. [10:38:54] <~blue_tetris> Ooh, or "Warholian" or "lava-lamp" or "spidercraft". [10:42:07] <~blue_tetris> An infinite spire, the memory of one blonde hair, soars up from the shifting oceanscape upon the horizon. It's a tower. It's mine. I need to get it back and I don't know why. [10:43:25] <~blue_tetris> There's a boat upon the shore. A boat of my sharp cognition--a lucid flicker of reality, proving the dream. The tower is my escape from the migraine-nightmare, the splinter of brainhell I'm caught in. [10:44:11] <~blue_tetris> A favorable wind plays at the sail of my boat. I board, set the mast, hoist the anchor, and race away from the voidbeach behind. [10:45:09] <~blue_tetris> A sick spell overtakes me, adrift in the spectral sea. My mind reflects upon itself like a parallel mirror--a dream within a dream. As I race towards a lucid worldsc--oh. [10:45:52] <Stephen> But "Voidbeach"? [10:46:06] <~blue_tetris> You've clearly described a voidbeach. [10:46:10] <~blue_tetris> A nothingshore, if you will. |
| #1729 4.28/5 blue_tetris 2010-02-14 |
blue_tetris: I like that there's stuff in hockey that's inherently -against the rules-. blue_tetris: But you have to do it sometimes, as a part of the game's strategy. SlappyMcGee: True. blue_tetris: It's like, if using your penis during a game of chess would make you lose one turn instead of the whole game. blue_tetris: So a skilled player knows when to execute the move. SlappyMcGee: Exactly. blue_tetris: Well, also, throwing baseballs at people's heads is a proper strategy in baseball, on occasion. blue_tetris: The damage to the head often exceeds the penalty of letting someone progress one base. blue_tetris: I'm reading about this. blue_tetris: In 1920, Carl Mays (known "headhunter" in baseball) threw a pitch that killed Ray Chapman. SlappyMcGee: Hahahahaha. blue_tetris: The baseball whizzed right through the man's skull, front to back, killing him instantly, winning the game for renowned jazz-era baseball murderer Mays. |
| #757 4.27/5 blue_tetris 2008-07-29 |
15[02:16] <~blue_tetris> I OWN THIS TOWN 15[02:17] <~blue_tetris> Name's blue_tetris. I run everything around here. 15[02:17] <~blue_tetris> And, lady, you just got on my bad side. [02:17] <Rdy-kun> Why do you keep thinking I'm a woman? 15[02:17] <~blue_tetris> Listen, babe. I got my eye on you. 15[02:18] <~blue_tetris> My eye? It's on you. 15[02:18] <~blue_tetris> There's something that my eye's on. Wanna hint? It's -you-. 15[02:18] <~blue_tetris> I possess a thing which is presently on something. An eye; you. [02:18] <@Atilla> Vaughn will enter the cabin and look for the weapons. 15[02:20] <~blue_tetris> There's an undeniable relationship between my eye and your continuing locale. 15[02:21] <~blue_tetris> Rdy-kun, my eye. It has the other on it. 15[02:22] <~blue_tetris> There's a situation involving my eye and you. To elucidate, one is all over the other. To remove any further confusion, it's my eye that's all over the other; the other being you. [02:24] <Blazeraid> Care to elaborate? 15[02:24] <~blue_tetris> Blazeraid : drugs :: my eye : Rdy-kun [02:24] <@Atilla> I believe he's trying to say that his ocular perceptive system rests upon Rdy-kun. [02:25] <Blazeraid> Old Blazeraid: Drugs. But I understand you. 15[02:25] <~blue_tetris> In case you're taking a short trip to Brasilia, "Meu olho está em você." [02:25] <Rdy-kun> The concept of having someone's viseul receptors directed towards me is a perplexing thought, and maybe is best left alone at that, yes? 15[02:26] <~blue_tetris> YIKES! 15[02:26] <~blue_tetris> Rdy-kun! 15[02:28] <~blue_tetris> There... was something on you. 15[02:28] <~blue_tetris> It was, and shall continue to be, my eye. [02:29] <Rdy-kun> What if I walk around a corner? Then temporarily your eye will be off of me as your vision broken until you are able to walk around the corner yourself. 15[02:30] <~blue_tetris> I don't think I've been clear enough. [02:30] <Rdy-kun> Perhaps not. 15[02:30] <~blue_tetris> A certain person possesses a certain something that is -on- a certain someone. 15[02:30] <~blue_tetris> -Me-, -eye-, -you-. [02:31] <Blazeraid> http://youtube.com/watch?v=ucCw7q5rmaE [02:31] <Blazeraid> I've got my Eyes on You. [02:31] <Blazeraid> The 40' were a great time 15[02:32] <~blue_tetris> Mhm! I'm Astaire-in' at you. 15[02:34] <~blue_tetris> There's a certain brief descriptor which indicates the orientation with which my eyes interrelate with you. 15[02:34] <~blue_tetris> -On-. |
| #1357 4.24/5 blue_tetris 2009-07-08 |
[21:03:07] <~blue_tetris> See, I wanna bone this chick out of intrigue. [21:03:28] <~blue_tetris> Because she is hands down the funniest woman I've ever met, with some Tara Reid voice. [21:03:58] <~blue_tetris> I can't imagine the sex we have not involving someone getting a pie in the face, in every figurative and literal sense. [21:07:08] <~blue_tetris> Also, get this. This Lane chick does karaoke and is a total drunk. [21:07:31] <~blue_tetris> She's one of few people that I deem more extraverted than myself. She's a fukcing lunatic. [21:07:45] <~blue_tetris> Which I can only presume also implies her behavior in the sack. [21:07:56] <@SlappyMcGee> Dude, don't do it. [21:08:07] <~blue_tetris> She's essentially Dave II. [21:10:04] <~blue_tetris> This is her chance to hop in the time machine. [21:10:16] <~blue_tetris> Only, the time machine hops into -her-. [21:10:20] <~blue_tetris> And it's my penis. [21:10:30] <~blue_tetris> But when it's in you, you feel like time is standing still. [21:11:24] <&LittleViking> But when it finally comes out, it's half-fly, half-Jeff Goldblum. |
| #1611 4.19/5 blue_tetris 2009-11-22 |
SlappyMcGee: I remember masturbating earlier, but I don't recall the conclusion, and I woke up about an hour later and I'm worried I blacked-out. blue_tetris: If I sit too hard on my prostate, I get this sharp pain in my taint for a few hours. The next time I masturbate, a teaspoon of blood squirts forth just before my ejaculation, preceding the orgasm itself with a crimson prediction of its advent. SlappyMcGee: Crimson Prediction is the best sex novel ever. |
| #737 4.17/5 blue_tetris 2008-07-12 |
[05:02:02] <~blue_tetris> LV, you wanna be invited to our RL D&D group? [05:02:25] <&LittleViking> Hmm. I don't know if I could make it out there regularly. [05:03:09] <&LittleViking> We could set up one of those Hollywood video conference things where you prop the monitor up at your kitchen table and it just has my face on it. [05:03:41] <~blue_tetris> I'd put the monitor on top of a mannequin with a suit and tie. [05:04:13] <&LittleViking> Haha. I think it would be just as good to put a suit and tie around the base of the monitor. [05:04:35] <~blue_tetris> We'd have to film a 1980's music video instead of play D&D, though. [05:04:54] <&LittleViking> I'd be up for that, yeah. [05:05:15] <~blue_tetris> So, you wanna film 1980's music videos with my RL D&D group? [05:06:11] <~blue_tetris> You'd need to play those synth drums that are shaped like hexagons. [05:06:35] <&LittleViking> Well I was going to anyway, so that works out. [05:07:16] <~blue_tetris> If you're to play drums via conference, we'll need to get you telemetric robot arms. [05:08:04] <&LittleViking> Ahaha, yes. [05:08:55] <~blue_tetris> And I can't film the video either, because I'm no good with a camcorder, so you'll need to use another robot to do that too. [05:09:32] <~blue_tetris> Hmmmm... do you wanna have a giant mech battle during a 1980's music video with my RL D&D group? [05:11:28] <&LittleViking> Yeah. |
| #608 4.15/5 blue_tetris 2008-04-17 |
[18:27:53] <&blue_tetris> Ahahaha, I have a story. [18:27:59] <&blue_tetris> A pizza-related story. [18:28:37] <&blue_tetris> One time, me and a bunch of my friends were hanging out and we knew Bobby was working that day. We call in to Fox's Pizza and ask to speak with him to make us a pizza. [18:28:48] <&blue_tetris> So we order the usual, but we ask for a -fuckload- of toppings. [18:28:59] <+Gforce> Did you word it like that? [18:29:07] <&blue_tetris> Pretty much, yeah. [18:29:14] <&blue_tetris> We expect him to show up with a few extra toppings. [18:29:29] <&blue_tetris> He comes in carrying two pizza boxes, one stacked atop the other. The pizza is within. [18:29:54] <&blue_tetris> He slides the top box off and a vaccuum forms in the intervening space. [18:30:03] <&blue_tetris> The pizza is revealed with a savory suckling sound. [18:30:25] <&blue_tetris> There's a crust at the bottom, presumably, but the pizza is about 5 inches thick. [18:30:34] <&blue_tetris> It weighs nearly 20 pounds. [18:30:37] <+Gforce> O__O [18:30:40] <+Jerrod> Ewww. [18:31:10] <&blue_tetris> So, we're flipping out at him, calling him a jack-ass for going overboard. He fucking plops the pizza right on the center of our table, then goes back out to his car. [18:31:34] <&blue_tetris> He comes back with twenty or so extra cups of toppings, ones he wasn't able to cook with the pizza. [18:31:51] <&blue_tetris> There's an entire five cups of ham, three of tomatoes, a few cups of green peppers. [18:32:06] <&blue_tetris> And he and two friends of his dump the toppings over the pizza already on the table. [18:32:21] <~LittleViking> Haha, what the hell. [18:32:41] <&blue_tetris> We ate the whole pizza and spent the rest of the evening cleaning up the kitchen. [18:33:08] <&blue_tetris> Because there was scarcely a crust. We were essentially eating toppings off of the living room table. [18:33:29] <&blue_tetris> Suddenly, at about 4 AM, we hear a knock at the door. [18:33:40] <&blue_tetris> My blood runs cold. My memory has just been sold. [18:33:52] <&blue_tetris> J. Giles Band kicks open the door. [18:33:58] <&blue_tetris> Concert, right in my goddamn living room. [18:34:06] <&blue_tetris> We spend the next couple weeks touring across America. [18:34:38] <&blue_tetris> And we eat pizzas, only with J. Giles Band. [18:35:09] <~LittleViking> Now that's what I call a topping. |
| #2200 4.13/5 blue_tetris 2011-01-02 |
[11:55:28] <Sunset> Dave what does this mean if when one time I had a random boner and I think this girl noticed because ever since then she started being really nice to me? [11:55:55] <~blue_tetris> How old are you? [11:56:06] <Sunset> 14 [11:56:27] <~blue_tetris> What were the circumstances regarding the random boner? Did she bring it up to you? [11:56:38] <kai> was she the cause [11:56:39] <Sunset> umm [11:56:41] <Sunset> no [11:56:43] <Sunset> it was just random [11:56:44] <Sunset> ya know [11:56:50] <kai> is she hawt? [11:56:57] <Sunset> yeah [11:57:04] <kai> then she's the cause [11:57:11] <Sunset> no no [11:57:15] <kai> at least from now on [11:57:15] <Sunset> I wasn't looking at her. [11:57:17] <kai> no, i know [11:57:21] <kai> but if it comes up [11:57:24] <kai> shes the cause [11:58:40] <~blue_tetris> So, Sunset. [11:58:46] <~blue_tetris> She didn't mention the boner. [11:58:53] <~blue_tetris> How do you know she was aware of the boner? [11:59:07] <@GamingWolf> Please tell me there is a fancy word for this. [11:59:10] <Sunset> She started being really nice to me. [11:59:13] <Sunset> after that happened [11:59:21] <~blue_tetris> We've just been saying boner, like a bunch of 14 year olds, Gdubs. [11:59:26] <~blue_tetris> It can't be helped. [11:59:33] <~blue_tetris> Sunset, chances are only -you- noticed the boner. [11:59:42] <Sunset> Oh. [11:59:47] <~blue_tetris> Trust me, women are not impressed or motivated by your boner. [11:59:55] <Sunset> YEAH THANKS [12:00:00] <kai> well, they are teenagers [12:00:10] <~blue_tetris> Hmm, true. [12:00:26] <~blue_tetris> Maybe she's being nice because she values your friendship, not your boner. [12:00:34] <~blue_tetris> Just putting that out there. [12:00:38] <Sunset> Okay [12:00:39] <Sunset> Thanks [12:00:40] <Sunset> :D [12:00:47] <kai> if she's showing interest show some back, but please for the love of god forget about the boner [12:01:03] <~blue_tetris> Really, life isn't all about boners, Sunset. [12:01:04] <kai> be embaressed [12:01:16] <~blue_tetris> Dude, blame it on the pants tent. [12:03:38] <~blue_tetris> None of my boners are random. [12:03:57] <Sunset> The use of the word boner this much is making me chuckle. [12:04:04] <~blue_tetris> Some of my boners don't even work in circumstances where they ought to. I gotta appreciate the random boner. [12:04:17] <kai> i hate random boners on the city bus [12:04:25] <~blue_tetris> You've got me thinking about boners, Sunset, what can I say. [12:04:37] <~blue_tetris> Dude, I get female-prompted boners on the bus all the time. [12:04:43] <kai> cuz then getting up to get off is soooo awkward [12:05:03] <~blue_tetris> And after you get up and get off, you still have to disembark from the bus. [12:10:45] <~blue_tetris> Sunset, go to this girl and say: "I couldn't help but notice you admiring my boner the other day." [12:11:21] <~blue_tetris> "And, well... to be perfectly fair... I was sorta checking yours out too." Then wink at her and touch the small of her back with your extended boner. [12:11:41] <Sunset> I said I was 14, not 24. [12:12:10] <~blue_tetris> What do you think the boner is for, astronomy? When you develop one of these, you have to take good advantage of it. [12:13:27] <~blue_tetris> I guess if you want to be more subtle about it, just sit her down and ask her how she feels about boners. [12:13:47] <~blue_tetris> In general. Not yours specifically. Just get her honest opinion about boners. [12:14:53] <kai> you have the power man [12:14:56] <kai> in your pants [12:14:59] <kai> USE IT [12:15:00] <~blue_tetris> If she's a good friend, she'll understand. I mean, what's a boner between two friends, ey? [12:15:03] <kai> but dont abuse it [12:15:09] <~blue_tetris> Never abuse your boner. [12:15:23] <@GamingWolf> Boner Abuse Resistance Education [12:15:25] <@GamingWolf> BARE [12:15:36] <~blue_tetris> "It's time for the BARE facts." [12:15:40] <~blue_tetris> It's a great motto. [12:16:03] <~blue_tetris> The first step to getting over your boner is realizing that you -have- a boner. |
| #137 4.09/5 blue_tetris 2007-04-08 |
<blue_tetris> Here, Jig, I have a magic trick. Pick a card => []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:18:06] <Jig> I've done this to people for a long time before. [20:18:10] <Jig> Uhh...I pick... [20:18:14] * Jig deliberates... [20:18:22] <Jig> The fifteenth from the left! [20:18:29] <blue_tetris> Okay. []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:18:36] <blue_tetris> Now, I'll just shuffle. [20:18:51] <blue_tetris> []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:19:02] <blue_tetris> []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] {flllllllpt} [20:19:21] <blue_tetris> Okey-dokey. Put your card back into the deck, but don't show me where. [20:19:24] * blue_tetris looks away. [20:19:36] * Jig tries to put the card down Dave's pants. [20:19:50] <blue_tetris> Alright... []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:19:59] <blue_tetris> Now, just let me sort through. [20:20:07] <blue_tetris> []] []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:20:13] <blue_tetris> []]]]]]] []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] [20:20:24] <blue_tetris> []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] []]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] Aha! [20:20:35] <blue_tetris> Was this your card? [] [20:20:40] <Jig> No... [20:20:46] <Jig> My card's in your pants. [20:21:00] <blue_tetris> Ohh.... [20:21:13] <blue_tetris> Was this your card, then? 8======================D[] [20:21:22] <Jig> That's the one! ^_^ |
| #1767 4.07/5 blue_tetris 2010-03-27 |
SlappyMcGee: I am quitting until women are allowed to be topless at children's parks. blue_tetris: I think there are laws that prevent women from doing things, because you're allowed to hit men. blue_tetris: And you're not allowed to hit women, if they do stupid shit. blue_tetris: Like, the reason I don't engage in certain activities publically is because "that sorta shit'll get your ass beat". blue_tetris: But for women, we have laws. blue_tetris: I posit that, without women, we would need no governance. SlappyMcGee: I want this tatooed right on my ballsack. blue_tetris: Say hello to the President and Speaker of the House, -my ballsack-. blue_tetris: Let me read you my two Amendments to the Ballstitution of these United Nuts: "Testicle." and "Testicle." |
| #1669 4.00/5 blue_tetris 2010-01-14 |
SlappyMcGee: AF has been trying to get a game going for just me and LV for a long time, and I haven't got the heart to tell him that I couldn''t stand listening to his voice for an hour. blue_tetris: I can't stand -thinking- about his -tongue- for five seconds. blue_tetris: Let alone listen voice hour. SlappyMcGee: I have an idea for a game that takes place in the future where the main mechanic is time manipulation. Like braid, for pen and paper groups. blue_tetris: Writing up wacky puzzles is the best part of being DM. SlappyMcGee: Yeah, and time gives an interesting dimension to puzzle solving. blue_tetris: The solution is always to take the Delorian to the future point where the puzzle is already solved. SlappyMcGee: The solution is to promise to go back in time in the future and leave the solution for yourself. blue_tetris: The solution is to disintegrate your head. SlappyMcGee: Yeah, I suck. blue_tetris: Haha. blue_tetris: You need to run a game, just so you can make that the actual solution to something. blue_tetris: "One door always tells the truth, one door always lies, and you can also disintegrate your head. What do you do?" SlappyMcGee: Hahahaha. SlappyMcGee: I have surgically inserted the oinly key to save Princess Galdril from certain LAVA PIT death inside your brain. SlappyMcGee: Do you a) Summon all of your powers and freeze the lava. B) Break the simple cage, or C) Disintigrate your head? SlappyMcGee: Sure, breaking her from the cage would be great, but disintigrating our heads could yield anything. Even a key! You know how much we've wanted one of those. blue_tetris: "It happens once in every minute, twice in every moment, but never in a hundred thousand years." "The letter--I DISINTEGRATE MY HEAD." SlappyMcGee: "why did wizard disintigrate his head? SlappyMcGee: To get to the other side. blue_tetris: You know, they say when you disintegrate a head, you're just integrating a neckstump. Sunrise, headset. SlappyMcGee: If you disintigrated your head trying to escape the innermost planes of the Hellsphere that is the undergrowth, YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK |
| #343 3.95/5 blue_tetris 2007-09-24 |
[15:40:08] <blue_tetris> US has 0.5 people per room. [15:40:41] <LittleViking> Wait, who's using my other room? [15:40:58] <blue_tetris> The government! [15:41:00] <Tanner> Illegal immigrants. [15:41:14] <blue_tetris> Hahahaha! Wow, what typical responses from us, Tanner. [15:41:14] <Tanner> Haha. We're so different, Dave. |
| #165 3.95/5 blue_tetris 2007-04-23 |
[04:42:05] <LittleViking> Also, I just invented the term "fibersex." I don't know what it means, but I bet textile workers are going to enjoy it. [04:42:29] <blue_tetris> Fibersex rocks. [04:43:16] * blue_tetris coyly undresses himself for the town seamstress. [04:43:44] <blue_tetris> "I didn't expect your loins to be so... fibrous! I thought you'd never done this before." [04:43:55] <blue_tetris> Sorry, babe. I lied. So -sew- me. [04:44:07] <LittleViking> *buh dum tch!* |
| #1942 3.93/5 blue_tetris 2010-07-24 |
ZaCk es tu DIOS: Hey, have u seen the new steam offer for ati/nvidia ussers? [link removed] blue_tetris: I've seen this virus, it's pretty sweet. blue_tetris: When you get to level two, you upgrade to the tank lasers. ZaCk es tu DIOS: what are u tallking about btf2? blue_tetris: Are you on drugs, mi campliano? ZaCk es tu DIOS: yes :$ ZaCk es tu DIOS: omg blue_tetris: Haha, what a retarto. blue_tetris: Anyway, I hope the phishing and shit works. blue_tetris: But there's a lot of imitators. Want some advice? ZaCk es tu DIOS: wha blue_tetris: Because there's a good way to go about this scheme, and you're not doing it. blue_tetris: Always employ proper grammar and semiotics--each client is a possible -sale- and you need to treat them as such. blue_tetris: Don't just fish. -Learn-. blue_tetris: Maybe start by asking -me- about my day. blue_tetris: Let's start from the top, okay? ZaCk es tu DIOS: ok blue_tetris: Now, instead of dropping a link. blue_tetris: Act like you already know me. blue_tetris: Say: "Yo, dude. I saw you from Gmod the other day. What's up?" blue_tetris: Get to know your potential victim here, by checking out their Steam profile. blue_tetris: Maybe you'll learn a little about yourself in the process. ZaCk es tu DIOS: i know that ZaCk es tu DIOS: but theres not always right ZaCk es tu DIOS: i have stealed acc. from 2004 blue_tetris: Well, you're phishing on a 4th grade level,s on. blue_tetris: Upgrade your game, by becoming a -marketer-. blue_tetris: I don't feel like you've marketed yourself here. blue_tetris: Also, at some point, you should steal more accounts and develop new personas. Each one is a new chance to broaden your demographic search. ZaCk es tu DIOS: ok ty blue_tetris: Silly me, I've done all the talking here, heehee. What games are -you- into? ZaCk es tu DIOS: battlefield2 blue_tetris: You any good at that shit? blue_tetris: I feel like the game was super-popular for a short while and then everyone just stopped playing it altogether. ZaCk es tu DIOS: yes blue_tetris: Any servers you recommend? Everything I try is either super laggy or just plain awful. ZaCk es tu DIOS: i dont ZaCk es tu DIOS: i don't know good servers D: blue_tetris: Huh. ZaCk es tu DIOS: all re good 4 me blue_tetris: Ahh. Maybe we'll get to play sometime. In the meantime, don't try to steal my account, cuntlips. blue_tetris: Good talk <3 ZaCk es tu DIOS: ._. ZaCk es tu DIOS: did u steal steam acc. ?? blue_tetris: No. I use money, because I have a job, son. blue_tetris: Stay in school. ZaCk es tu DIOS: wtf ZaCk es tu DIOS: how old re u blue_tetris: I've been around the block once or twice. blue_tetris: I know that drugs and alcohol will mess up your life, and you need to stay on the path of righteousness. blue_tetris: So, are we, like, friends now? ZaCk es tu DIOS: If u want ZaCk es tu DIOS: U can add me to my real steam acc, ZaCk es tu DIOS: Im buy that acc. ZaCk es tu DIOS: Falldown_Is_Dominating blue_tetris: I play a lot of BC2, so maybe I'll run into you. ZaCk es tu DIOS: I don't rly play BC2 ZaCk es tu DIOS: I play CSS, and im gonna play MW2 ZaCk es tu DIOS: And WoW ZaCk es tu DIOS: Playing in EU Server Sanguino blue_tetris: I used to fo a fair amount of CSS and MW2 myself. blue_tetris: I get awful ping to EU servers, so I really can't play on them. Don't you? ZaCk es tu DIOS: Sometimes ZaCk es tu DIOS: I got 300 ping ZaCk es tu DIOS: But isnt lag ZaCk es tu DIOS: Normally i play with 200 ZaCk es tu DIOS: But i'm gonna transfer US ZaCk es tu DIOS: Cuz now im in usa blue_tetris: Whereabouts were you from originally? ZaCk es tu DIOS: Spain blue_tetris: Ahhh, I see from the name. ZaCk es tu DIOS: D: blue_tetris: I'm trying to learn Spanish, too, eventually. ZaCk es tu DIOS: And i'm trying to learn English :P cuz my english isn't good blue_tetris: So, Falldown_is_ Dominating is your native account? I'm gonna send a friend invite here in a bit, after I can remove one of my friends. I'm filled up. blue_tetris: Your English is alright. ZaCk es tu DIOS: Ok |
| #1543 3.90/5 blue_tetris 2009-09-28 |
[12:10:14] <~blue_tetris> Your brain is mostly fat, that helps pad out the good cells. [12:12:01] <remote> but what does that mean for overweight people [12:13:24] <~blue_tetris> It means they should be more mindful of what they eat. |
| #464 3.89/5 blue_tetris 2008-01-13 |
[00:22:49] * +Obylisk erupts all the volcanoes on the planet hopefully making him the SUPREME RULER [00:24:11] * &blue_tetris erupts all of the volcanoes but even better on the planet making himself first the SUPREMEST RULER [00:26:30] * &blue_tetris erupts volcanoes but only all over Canada making him the SUPREME PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA [00:28:48] * &blue_tetris erupts all volcanoes except all over the Canada plus America too and be the SUPREME STEPHEN HARPER OF QUEBEC AND BUFFALO, NEW YORK [00:29:06] * +Obylisk hurls the moon into the ocean flooding every continent and becomes the ULTIMATE RULER OF THE PLANET and dave [00:30:40] * &blue_tetris takes all the moons off of planets EVERYWHERE and puts all of the moons all over AFRICA and floods out the AFRICA with tides and gravity and I become ULTIMATE RULER OF AFRICA AND PLANET and dave. [00:31:57] * +Obylisk moves to pluto and hurls the EARTH INTO THE SUN BECOMING THE SUPREME RULER OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND SOUTHPAW [00:32:52] * &blue_tetris sets up a strategic ground military advance originating in the former Soviet Republics and sweeping westward into Europe, providing the diplomatic freedom to detonate nuclear devices in Arab nations; thus becoming a charismatic SUPREME RULER OF EURASIA [00:35:00] * &blue_tetris hurls all of the universes into earth but AT THE SAME TIME creating time rift in space and time RIFTING ALL THE COUNTRIES through time making me the SUPREMER MEDIEVAL TIME DICTATOR OF THE EARTHS AND ALSO dave. |
| #529 3.89/5 blue_tetris 2008-02-22 |
Listening to Myrrhman's radio station: [23:28:27] <&blue_tetris> Imagine this music: You're staring down at a spotlight on the blue-tinted road racing beneath you. [23:28:43] <&blue_tetris> Periodic strips of amber slide across your view. [23:28:58] <&blue_tetris> There's no -weather-, tonight. No temperature. No sight. No sound. [23:29:07] <&blue_tetris> A black heaven. A silver river-road. [23:29:24] <&blue_tetris> Stormwrack plains to either side. It's a nothingzone. [23:29:38] <&blue_tetris> Man.... where's Clovic. I need to get baked. [23:29:55] <&blue_tetris> He would trip out to this music. [23:31:21] <&blue_tetris> The miniature xenospider vocals is twisting my mindsphere into conic sections of foreverfear. [23:32:05] <&blue_tetris> MAKE THE XENOSPIDER STOP SINGING IT!!! MAKE THEM START SINGING IT!!! AAAAAAHAHAHA!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM THE SONG???? |
| #331 3.88/5 blue_tetris 2007-09-18 |
[16:20:59] <Vyacheslav> This kid borrowed my protractor, let his friend borrow it. [16:21:18] <Vyacheslav> I went up to his friend and said, "May I have my protractor back please?" [16:21:23] <Vyacheslav> He says, "Go away." [16:21:32] <Vyacheslav> I say "I'm not leaving till you give me my protractor." [16:21:38] <Vyacheslav> He starts throwing things at me. [16:21:49] <Vyacheslav> So I say, Give it back. [16:22:02] <Vyacheslav> He doesn't. [16:22:19] <blue_tetris> Finish the story. I already had my punchline two minutes ago. [16:22:21] <Vyacheslav> He tells me some things, and throws some more stuff at me. [16:22:28] <Vyacheslav> So I lose my temper... [16:22:41] <Vyacheslav> I say to him... [16:22:50] <Vyacheslav> SCREW YOUR SLIMY GUTS DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS. [16:22:55] <Vyacheslav> He was like O_O [16:22:56] <Vyacheslav> I left. [16:23:05] <blue_tetris> Wow! What a protracted affair! [16:23:20] <blue_tetris> Ahem. [16:23:22] <blue_tetris> Wow! What a protracted affair!!! [16:23:31] <blue_tetris> C'mon. Anyone? |
| #111 3.88/5 blue_tetris 2007-03-19 |
[18:02] <LittleViking> "Carpin Denium - There's a fish in my pants" [18:02] <LittleViking> It's Latin. |
| #2286 3.80/5 blue_tetris 2011-03-04 |
[16:58:45] <@skyline> Ask your mother why she has a problem with you looking at naked people. [16:59:35] <blue_tetris> If I had asked my mother why I shouldn't be looking at naked people, she'd wonder why I didn't already know the answer for myself. [17:00:26] <@skyline> What would the answer have been, blue_tetris? [17:01:28] <blue_tetris> Because they're naked, you haven't met any of these people, and you're not edifying yourself. [17:01:59] <blue_tetris> My mother was a science teacher. She spent lots of time, at a much earlier age than my classmates, showing me videos of babies coming out of vaginas. [17:02:14] <blue_tetris> In horrific perineum-splitting, gurney-shitting clarity. [17:02:26] <blue_tetris> The kind of stuff that is absolutely 100% educational and real. [17:02:38] <ladle> That explains so much. [17:02:53] <blue_tetris> If she saw me trading off a chance at socializing to acquire naked pictures, she'd have been remiss. [17:03:18] <blue_tetris> "Give a man a naked picture, he'll jerk off for a day," she'd posit, Biblically. [17:03:30] <blue_tetris> And then she'd give me a 35mm camera. [17:03:41] <blue_tetris> That's effective parenting. |
| #1026 3.78/5 blue_tetris 2009-01-06 |
[05:27:02] <Orange> A sister is a lot of things in one. [05:27:22] <~blue_tetris> I am one thing in a lot of sisters. [05:28:04] <~blue_tetris> And with that hilarious inversion referencing my attraction to African American women, I believe I should get some rest. |
| #1490 3.50/5 blue_tetris 2009-08-25 |
(formatted for maximum funny) [16:41:17] <~blue_tetris> I am always amazed by the agility of the tongue, considering the homogeny of its form. [16:41:47] <~blue_tetris> It doesn't have working parts. There's no ball-joint. It's a smooth, consistent meat. [16:41:56] <~blue_tetris> And yet it dives and dodges about linguistically. [16:42:29] <Yahoozy> The strongest muscle is the tongue. [16:42:30] <Yahoozy> IDIOT. [16:42:53] <~blue_tetris> The strongest muscle in your mom's body is my tongue, Yahoozy. [16:40:17] <~blue_tetris> The jaw is the strongest muscle in the body. [16:44:59] <~blue_tetris> The Atrina fragilis is the strongest mussel in the sea. [16:46:19] <~blue_tetris> The strongest MUSL is Powerball. [16:49:01] <~blue_tetris> Frank Musil is the strongest Musil in the Czech national ice hockey league. [16:50:48] <~blue_tetris> The jaw is the strongest muscle in the body. Law had the strongest tussle with Gotti. [16:53:19] <~blue_tetris> The jaw is the strongest muscle in the body. "Onbenullig" is what's said in Brussels when seeking a potty. [16:55:45] <~blue_tetris> The jaw is the strongest muscle in the body. Oil maws are the strongest hustles for Saudis. [16:57:06] <~blue_tetris> The jaw is the strongest muscle in the body. Paws are the cutest muscle in the kitty. [16:57:25] <AF> Oh, Dave. I might be going out with this chick. [16:57:53] <~blue_tetris> Didn't you falsely believe you were going out with that one chick that had you fetch contraception for her? [16:58:02] <AF> Naw. [16:58:26] <~blue_tetris> Cutting out coupons for sticks she'll piss on != a date. [16:58:35] <AF> Aww, really? Damn. [16:58:43] <~blue_tetris> Who is this broad and why do I care? [16:59:00] <AF> Sam, and I have no idea why. [16:59:10] <~blue_tetris> Sam is a dude's name. [16:59:16] <AF> Not Samantha. [16:59:43] <~blue_tetris> Just remember that the bra is the strongest trestle on her body. [16:59:47] <~blue_tetris> WHAHAAHAHA [16:59:50] <~blue_tetris> What the fuck is wrong with me. |
| #2301 3.50/5 blue_tetris 2011-03-20 |
<Tanner successfully runs a test of his Nomic bot> [00:06:45] <~blue_tetris> I said it couldn't be done. [00:06:57] <~blue_tetris> I stood in your way every step towards its fruition. [00:07:13] <~blue_tetris> I was a constant thorn in your side, Tanner, but... dammit... you did it. [00:07:20] <~blue_tetris> Despite it all, you did it. [00:07:29] <~blue_tetris> I was wrong; you were right. You've earned this moment. [00:07:33] <@rennaT> Heh. Not quite yet but it's coming along. [00:07:39] <~blue_tetris> Oh, haha, fuck you then. [00:07:42] <~blue_tetris> It can't be done. [00:07:44] <@rennaT> I may ask you to vet the rules before things get under way. [00:07:51] <@rennaT> You know, if you can be assed. [00:07:55] <~blue_tetris> Oh, sweet, I'm all about that. |
| #2702 3.50/5 blue_tetris 2012-12-15 |
red_and_green_tetris: "A stray thought sprang up, in my crotch." ~"Kafka on the Shore", Murakami. The Sand Reckoner: Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find himself transformed into a giant crotch. red_and_green_tetris: It was the best of times, it was the worst of crotches. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of crotch. The Sand Reckoner: It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking crotch. red_and_green_tetris: I had the story, bit by bit, from various crotches and, as happens in these cases, each crotch was a different crotch. The Sand Reckoner: The crotch above the crotch was the color of crotch, crotched to a crotch crochell. red_and_green_tetris: Lolita, light of my life, fire of my crotch. The Sand Reckoner: The sunset cast a golden glow into Gamma Dome as the unregistered crotch entered the eastern sky. red_and_green_tetris: He crotch crotch old man crotch fished alone crotch crotch skiff crotch crotch Gulf Stream, crotch crotch crotch gone eight-four days now without taking crotch fish. The Sand Reckoner: Far out in the uncrotched crotchwaters of the uncrotchable crotch of the crotchern crotchral crotch of the Crotchaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow crotch. red_and_green_tetris: Deep into that crotchness peering, long I crotched there, wondering, crotching / Doubting, crotching dreams crotch mortal ever dared to crotch be-crotch The Sand Reckoner: While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, RAPING MY CROTCH. red_and_green_tetris: pity this busy monster, manunkind red_and_green_tetris: not. Progress is a crotchfortable crotch: red_and_green_tetris: your crotch (death and crotch) red_and_green_tetris: plays crotchness of his littleness (e e crotch) The Sand Reckoner: Sugar coated yestercrotch / Spells sentences upon my crotch. red_and_green_tetris: The ultimate measure of a crotch is not where it stands in trousers of comfort and convenience, but where it stands in jeans of challenge and controversy. The Sand Reckoner: The first thing you'll probably want to know is where my pants are, and what my lousy crotchhood is like, and how my jeans were occupied before I took them off, and all that David Crotcherfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you know what I mean. |
| #2312 3.44/5 blue_tetris 2011-04-09 |
OnionKnight: would you rather be eddie izzard or fuck eddie izzard? blue_tetris: Be. OnionKnight: Quick answer. blue_tetris: Yep. OnionKnight: good choice OnionKnight: but know that you're going to have to fuck dave if you're eddie izzard blue_tetris: Wait. blue_tetris: Why would I have to fuck Dave? blue_tetris: Dave just wants to be me, not fuck me. OnionKnight: Because you're Eddie Izzard? OnionKnight: Are you paying attention? blue_tetris: It would be funnier with multiple players. blue_tetris: "I wanna be Eddie Izzard." "I wanna fuck Eddie Izzard, but only after you're Eddie Izzard." blue_tetris: "I wanna be Eddie Izzard after him, and after you've finished fucking him." OnionKnight: Hahaha blue_tetris: It's like that movie, where they fuck John Malkovich. blue_tetris: Ever played marry, fuck, kill? OnionKnight: Yesterday, with Yahoozy, with relation to southpaw, Vyacheslav, and Life247. OnionKnight: Both of us thought we had definitive answers but we were different in our responses. blue_tetris: Marry, fuck, kill. Eddie Izzard, Living George Carlin, Billy West. OnionKnight: Living George Carlin? OnionKnight: D: blue_tetris: Yeah, as opposed to the regular dead one. OnionKnight: Yeah. OnionKnight: I was hoping for Corpse Carlin. blue_tetris: Haha. OnionKnight: It would help the Kill decision. blue_tetris: Choosing to kill the re-alive George Carlin would be in bad taste. OnionKnight: Marry Billy West -- Each day would be like fucking somebody new. OnionKnight: Kill Izzard, Fuck Carlin blue_tetris: Billy West is like the man of a million penises. blue_tetris: I wish I could think of women for this game, but there's no famous women I care about. OnionKnight: i wouldn't mine fucking natalie portman blue_tetris: I wouldn't mind killing Sarah Silverman. OnionKnight: yeah OnionKnight: def OnionKnight: def OnionKnight: def OnionKnight: i think i could marry janeane garafallolaolo because i feel like our relationship is already that of a married couple blue_tetris: This game is more fun as "stalk, rape, engage in suicide pact with". OnionKnight: Agreed. blue_tetris: That's the new game. OnionKnight: It works better for females too OnionKnight: because you don't have to buy a fucking ring blue_tetris: Like, if anyone asks, the mutual suicide is taking this girl with you into the bottom of a pit on a construction site, then waiting for the cement truck to arrive, and then kissing together as concrete fills the pit. blue_tetris: And then you die there, suffocating against each others' lips, as the cement lends permanence to the union. OnionKnight: Baillie occasionally says "SUICIDE PACT?" and i'm always weirded out because he's just depressed enough to actually kill me blue_tetris: You die as infinite statues. blue_tetris: Conjecture to Baillie, the next time he mentions it, that this is how you'll go. blue_tetris: An infinitely preserved kiss, lasting through all time, yet hidden away so that only the cosmos recognizes the thanatos of your love. OnionKnight: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b3/Column_temple_Artemis_Ephesos_BM_Sc1206_n3.jpg OnionKnight: or OnionKnight: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/02/Xanatos.JPG blue_tetris: Wahahaha. blue_tetris: I was meaning Thanatos. OnionKnight: okay but Gargoyles blue_tetris: Frozen like gargoyles of love, beneath the city. blue_tetris: Instead of animated like gargoyles of action, high above the city. |
| #517 3.43/5 blue_tetris 2008-02-14 |
[04:03:19] <+Lenny> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. [04:03:37] <+Lenny> Haha, A.K.A. Singles' Awareness Day, yes. [04:04:18] <&blue_tetris> I'm alone! [04:04:25] <&blue_tetris> I WILL PLAY MY DS INSTEAD [04:05:11] <&blue_tetris> [:[_]:] [04:05:13] <&blue_tetris> [+[_];] |
| #1992 3.38/5 blue_tetris 2010-08-14 |
[00:07:49] <~blue_tetris> She's an attractive white person. [00:07:54] <Vyacheslav> Also, she's a goddess. [00:08:06] <~blue_tetris> I like brunettes. [00:08:13] <Vyacheslav> She has red hair. [00:08:17] <Vyacheslav> Dark red hair. [00:08:19] <~blue_tetris> Her pussy is the precise shape and dimension of a money clip. [00:08:24] <Vyacheslav> :D [00:08:26] <~blue_tetris> It sorta lips out there and grabs shit. [00:08:29] <~blue_tetris> All prehensile like. [00:08:37] <Vyacheslav> I wouldn't mind if it grabbed my cock. [00:09:04] <~blue_tetris> If a prehensile vagina -reached out- and muscled my cock in, I'd be afraid. [00:09:13] <~blue_tetris> Like, that's a mood killer, for me. |
| #153 3.36/5 blue_tetris 2007-04-17 |
[15:52:45] * blue_tetris sets mode: -b that_irritating_kekekeke_shit!*@* [15:52:54] <Evil_Bob> kekekekeke |
| #864 3.33/5 blue_tetris 2008-09-29 |
[17:13:36] <@Vyacheslav> These kids on my bus today were talking about shaving their pubes. [17:13:52] <@Vyacheslav> I said "Wow, stfu." [17:14:07] <@lord_day> Who cares if they talk about that? [17:14:17] <~blue_tetris> I did some manscaping a few years back. [17:14:26] <~blue_tetris> It really makes everything look grander. [17:14:35] <~blue_tetris> But the irritation gets real old real fast. [17:14:49] <~blue_tetris> It's there for a reason. First off, so beer doesn't drip on your cock. [17:14:55] <~blue_tetris> Secondly, it reduces bumpfriction. [17:15:12] <~blue_tetris> It's really there to catch flack that might otherwise invade the wang region. [17:15:15] <spoon`> It also makes your cock more attractive. [17:15:23] <~blue_tetris> Nah, not so much. [17:15:27] <~blue_tetris> Unless you're into 11-year-old cocks. [17:15:44] <@lord_day> Instead of mowing the lawn, it's better just to trim the hedge. [17:16:09] <Brttrx> Hahaha word [17:16:10] <incluye> Ahahaha. [17:16:17] <~blue_tetris> Aye. [17:16:35] <~blue_tetris> I've got the swordfish going on right now. [17:17:09] <spoon`> I wash my pubes with shampoo. [17:17:11] <~blue_tetris> I had the railroad crossing for the longest time, but it went out of style with the taint-tuff. [17:17:36] <spoon`> Really? [17:17:41] <~blue_tetris> I met a guy who had the full landing strip, but a scroathawk. [17:17:43] <spoon`> I just let mine grow wherever the want. [17:17:45] <spoon`> You know, untamed. [17:18:24] <spoon`> I hear girls like that. [17:18:25] <~blue_tetris> You'll get to the point where you want to differentiate your pube hair from surrounding tuckhair, like the kind the runs between your scroat and your thighs. [17:18:39] <~blue_tetris> Like, you want the pubes to be in a discrete place. [17:18:52] <incluye> Dave, do you have perpetually growing pubic hair? [17:19:01] <~blue_tetris> I... I do. [17:19:08] <incluye> I see. [17:19:10] <~blue_tetris> In fact, all of my hair seems to grow perpetually. [17:19:18] <~blue_tetris> There's not a hair on my body that stays gone. [17:19:19] <incluye> I see. [17:19:19] <Brttrx> How unique [17:19:23] <~blue_tetris> ... [17:19:51] <spoon`> Yeah, my pubes are starting to envelope my scrotum. [17:20:17] <~blue_tetris> I've got dark hairs on top and the ballcarpet is a very light blonde. [17:20:24] <~blue_tetris> Shockingly blonde. [17:20:41] <spoon`> I bet the girls are surprised when they see that. [17:21:17] <~blue_tetris> I find girls seem to pay special attention to my balls. [17:21:25] <spoon`> Ha ha. [17:21:28] <spoon`> Lucky bastard. [17:21:31] <~blue_tetris> Undue amounts of attention, considering the main show is lurking at the business end of the swordfish. [17:21:44] <~blue_tetris> No, it's not lucky. It's odd. [17:21:48] <spoon`> You're right there. [17:22:11] <~blue_tetris> Enough scroat play can get me going, I suppose, but it's just unexpected. [17:22:26] <~blue_tetris> I don't really spend much time coddling the area, so I don't see why it draws a crowd. |
| #1116 3.29/5 blue_tetris 2009-03-05 |
<~blue_tetris> Anyhow, me and this Jewish chick Sharon are gonna be dating again at a later date. <Axonn> Oh, Jewish, eh? <~blue_tetris> There was some 1.5 base activity. <SlappyMcGee> Sharon is a Jew? <~blue_tetris> Yeah, Axonn, she's a Jew. It's wild. <Axonn> Alright Dave, here's some advice on Jews? <Skyline> I dislike the name Sharon. <GamingWolf> And just when you say Jews.... Zoidberg is talking <Axonn> Bahaha. <GamingWolf> YOu're gonna give me aneurisms <~blue_tetris> Everyone shut up. <~blue_tetris> I need Axonn's advice. <~blue_tetris> I've only been with a few Jews, and it never went well. <~blue_tetris> Holocaust denial is -not- second date conversation material. <SlappyMcGee> There was that time Sarah Silverman spent two weeks at your house making loud jokes about her cycles. <Axonn> It's boring, but it's worth the sedar afterwards. <Skyline> I'd suggest making a lot of puns that somehow relate to Judaism, blue_tetris. <~blue_tetris> Yeah. <~blue_tetris> I'm just afraid she's gonna pass -me- over, :( <Axonn> Show her the fucking money. <Axonn> Take her to a nice restaurant, and don't wait. <Axonn> "I'll pay for this." <Axonn> "Alright, go ahead." <SlappyMcGee> Rub her clitoris with your nose. Jews love that. <~blue_tetris> In my pants, I put a five-dollar bill and a rack of tabloids that she can read aloud to the whole checkout line. <~blue_tetris> Like they all can't read it themselves. <~blue_tetris> Slaps: If you're going tongue-deep, you always get some desirable noseclit and some less-than-desirable moustachewhiskerurethra. <SlappyMcGee> So, do you know this Jew's pubic hair situation yet? <~blue_tetris> Not yet. <~blue_tetris> Which is good, because she was in hip-huggers. <~blue_tetris> A lack of knowledge constitutes some useful knowledge in this case. <SlappyMcGee> Because I want you to be the first West Virginian to know "The Menorah" style intimately. <~blue_tetris> I'm looking forward to The Menorah style. It implies that the oil don't run dry for eight whole days. <~blue_tetris> Anyway, all of this discussion has been irrelevent, because Sharon is a secular Jew. <Axonn> Oh, a secular Jew? <~blue_tetris> Yeah. At the end of her nose, she stops being Jewish. <~blue_tetris> She's not against Judaism. <Axonn> I never said she was. <~blue_tetris> But I'll make sure not to mention any Zionist secrets to her. <Axonn> But secular Jews don't like to talk about Judaism. <Axonn> We're like Lewis Black. <Axonn> We're in it for the Bar Mitzvah and the party. <~blue_tetris> To me, -every- bar is a mitzvah. -I'M SENDING THIS ONE-LINER TO READER'S DIGEST-. <Axonn> Did you ever go to any Bar or Bat Mitzvahs? <~blue_tetris> I wasn't allowed to go to any. <Axonn> Why not? <~blue_tetris> Well. I have blue eyes, blonde hair, and cock au natural. <~blue_tetris> While all the cool Jewish boys were having fun at bar mitzvahs, we weren't allowed to go. We had to hide up in the attic and stay really quiet and write memoirs. |
| #292 3.27/5 blue_tetris 2007-08-10 |
[23:28:53] <blue_tetris> IsThereAnySpecialWayToGetASpaceBarBackOn? |
| #1539 3.25/5 blue_tetris 2009-09-27 |
[10:05:34] <Valsz> http://i33.tinypic.com/33bmwq8.jpg [10:14:40] <~blue_tetris> Pavel adds new shit to his persona ever day. [10:15:04] <Valsz> Yeah. [10:15:52] <~blue_tetris> Now I'm to believe he's a metal lyricist, guro fetishist, retrofuturist, classic car enthusiast. [10:16:03] <~blue_tetris> How many ists you need on yo list?! |
| #113 3.22/5 blue_tetris 2007-03-20 |
[20:55] <Blazeraid> BT is here, bye. I'll be in the secret channel. [20:55] <blue_tetris> Hahaha. Smooth, Blaze. [20:56] <blue_tetris> Yo. On the DL, though, Blaze is here, so I'll be in the secret channel that no one knows about. [20:56] * blue_tetris is supercool because of his secret channel. [20:56] <Blazeraid> Everyone knows I know you'll find a way to over react and blame it on me. [20:56] <Blazeraid> So, I take my leave. [20:56] * Blazeraid has left #n [20:56] <blue_tetris> OH YOU -WOULD- PLAY THAT CARD, WOULDN'T YOU?!?!?! [20:56] <blue_tetris> What a cheap move. [20:57] <blue_tetris> I'll be the better man and end this conversation. [20:57] * blue_tetris ends it. [20:57] <LinusIsWorking> Urm... he left. [20:57] <LinusIsWorking> Hahahahaha. [20:57] <blue_tetris> What a jerk. You guys agree, right? [20:57] <blue_tetris> He was being a total jerk. [20:57] <Demonz> Yes! [20:57] <LinusIsWorking> Yeah, he was. |
| #1594 3.20/5 blue_tetris 2009-11-08 |
blue_tetris: Tell [~DETHSKUADxxx](TheWeedEnthusiasts!)_|30|)-E-G/\|2|)_ -TeamMayhem- [F0rG3RY] (*RUS) that I said hi. blue_tetris: Tell [CaMeRaObScUrA--](R.I.P.Leeeeeeeroy).The.Elder.Spawn.[*K*U*R*T*L*O*A*D*E*R*M*T*V*N*E*W*S] that I said hi. blue_tetris: Tell [BobSegersPlaytimeBand](4thNegro){{THE_UNDERSTUDIES}}Tim that I said hi. blue_tetris: Tell |TIANANMEN[]|moanboxxx -Goochloons!- {THE PUNK LTD.} !+L===_L+!ROOFTRAIN____.7 (Chuck) that I said hi. blue_tetris: Tell >>Klicka {oNdRuGz!LOL} woofwoofMANWOLFwoofwoof (LoneRangerEp#51)[candlejack]!oooOOH--dreemWEE\/R!{[ISSG]IcelandicSingerSongwritersGuild} JameSpaderIsNipples(|3U|2T_C0|\/|v) @choice@ that I said hi. blue_tetris: Tell Amanda I said hi. Hoss G. Wallpepper: Hahahahaha. |
| #2754 3.20/5 blue_tetris 2013-01-30 |
isis.Plastyck: How did she react? blue_tetris: She laughed her ass off. blue_tetris: ...Of my dick. :( |
| #234 3.00/5 blue_tetris 2007-06-26 |
[17:13:30] <Calcy> NORWAY [17:13:40] <AzMiLion> MORE LIKE SNOREWAY |
| #1768 3.00/5 blue_tetris 2010-03-27 |
On the Nmaps.net joke: blue_tetris: Apparently, you can't do anything funny in Metanet anymore, without Dave's name being on it. blue_tetris: Like, they -assume- it's Dave. blue_tetris: I can't escape. SlappyMcGee: Well, the community is unfunny dicks. blue_tetris: Tanner being the least funny of them all. blue_tetris: Wacky hairstyles and something he just read on Twitter are his best jokes. SlappyMcGee: Tsukatu is a Janitor at 4chan. SlappyMcGee: Keep that in mind. blue_tetris: Tsukatu makes not laughing at things his fulltime job. blue_tetris: He reviews repetitious and immutable memes and, using a rubric to review their merit, decides if a user should be banned. SlappyMcGee: Another distinction: Internet Tsukatu. SlappyMcGee: Remember that real tsukatu is a nice pleasant dude. blue_tetris: It's funny that he spent a fair amount of time making sure we knew a distinction between his Internet personality and his real life personality; whereas I made it a point to prove that these two things were the exact same. blue_tetris: And I'm a notable amphibian. SlappyMcGee: GASP! blue_tetris: *sips coffee to distract, while Teller does his trick* SlappyMcGee: Yahoozy is teller. blue_tetris: Yeah. He's a lot less funny when he talks. SlappyMcGee: Just... depressed. blue_tetris: We're all looking at everyone else, talking loudly with their ponytails, while he magically turns his smile upside-down. :( |
| #2259 3.00/5 blue_tetris 2011-02-15 |
[02:24:35] <Snuggletummy> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrotal_inflation [02:24:37] <Snuggletummy> The picture [02:24:49] <Snuggletummy> It's NSFW, but I'm sure you can gather that [02:24:52] <Snuggletummy> Just, damn [02:25:06] <Snuggletummy> The scrotum is stretchy [02:25:51] <~blue_tetris> I had no idea. [02:26:01] <~blue_tetris> Even so, I'd worry about adding anything to my scrotum. [02:26:08] <~blue_tetris> It's bursting at the seams as it is. [02:26:12] <~blue_tetris> Well, seam. |
| #2199 2.93/5 blue_tetris 2011-01-01 |
[15:08:20] <Zilla> I wonder what it must have felt like to invent prostitution. [15:08:34] <Zilla> "Hey man, listen, I will let you have sex with me if you pay me. Isn't that a great idea?" [15:08:34] <@GamingWolf> People have always wanted sex [15:08:38] <@GamingWolf> They just trade for sex. [15:09:07] <~blue_tetris> People have always traded shit for sex. [15:09:31] <~blue_tetris> Like, seriously, for the longest of times, your family would have to buy another man's daughter using goods. [15:09:44] <~blue_tetris> And then your son owns her and makes the sex with her. [15:09:46] <Sunset> Slavery. [15:09:54] <~blue_tetris> Close. Marriage. [15:10:00] <spoon> Why can't shit be like that now. [15:10:12] <spoon> Why can't I trade a horse and half a goat for a bitch. [15:10:25] <spoon> What the fuck happened. [15:10:32] <Sunset> Society happened. [15:10:38] <~blue_tetris> I wouldn't trade you for anything, spoon :) [15:10:50] <spoon> HAhaha Dave. [15:10:51] <~blue_tetris> Even 40 acres of land and a whole mule. [15:10:59] <~blue_tetris> I needed to take that one step more offensive. [15:11:04] <~blue_tetris> So there it was. [15:11:20] <spoon> Only Dave can make racist jokes. [15:13:45] <spoon> Haha, imagine that. Bitch Shipping Co. "We ship yo hoz!" [15:13:49] <Zilla> Delivering a non-virgin would result in quite the smiting. [15:14:48] <~blue_tetris> Oh, yeah, if you trade your three finest oxen and you receive damaged merchandise, you'd be pretty upset. [15:15:06] <~blue_tetris> That's why, every time I get married, I always keep the receipt in a separate part of my wallet. [15:15:19] <Zilla> Or get shipping insurance. [15:15:42] <Zilla> That way, if she's no longer a virgin upon delivery, you receive another prepubescent virgin overnight. [15:17:01] <~blue_tetris> You can take your harlot back within the first two weeks after purchase and exchange for a virgin, if you're not completely satisfied. [15:17:11] <~blue_tetris> Or if you find out that you accidentally bought the wrong size. |
| #192 2.90/5 blue_tetris 2007-05-15 |
[15:29:15] <LittleViking> Hm. May is the only month in the English language that is also a common word. [15:29:27] <blue_tetris> ...woah! [15:29:32] <Tanner> Huh! [15:29:32] <blue_tetris> What about March? [15:29:39] <LittleViking> Oh, two then. |
| #483 2.90/5 blue_tetris 2008-01-25 |
[15:43:07] <@spect> blue_tetris [15:43:17] <@spect> That WRAPFIELD trick with Minesweeper didn't work. [15:43:20] <@spect> Kinda as expected. [15:43:30] <@spect> And don't blame it on this system being German :P [15:43:53] <&blue_tetris> I was gonna say: The Minelands in Rhineland don't seem to work the same. |
| #124 2.73/5 blue_tetris 2007-03-29 |
(Sol and blue_tetris are th only members of the #rockstars channel at this time.) [02:09:32] <Solarion> Blue_tetris, want to play? [02:09:57] <blue_tetris> Against you? [02:10:12] <Solarion> Who else is there? [02:10:21] <blue_tetris> Sol... who will run the game? [02:10:28] <Solarion> I can run it. |
| #1563 2.71/5 blue_tetris 2009-10-17 |
Pavel, I don't dress up for Halloween. But if I -did-, I would go as vampire Ron Paul. |
| #171 2.67/5 blue_tetris 2007-05-03 |
[14:58:24] <ChaosWolf> Also, guess how fat the fattest man alive is. [14:58:30] <LF> your mom? |
| #2187 2.64/5 blue_tetris 2010-12-27 |
[15:56:55] <blue_tetris> Now he's all dressed and he stumbles into a construction site. [15:57:08] <blue_tetris> He's stumbling drunkenly across scaffolding. [15:57:21] <Festive_Blackson> The sun is rising [15:57:32] <Festive_Blackson> Birds wake up [15:57:35] <blue_tetris> And all the workers are coming back onto the site. [15:57:45] <Festive_Blackson> About to fall! [15:57:57] <blue_tetris> Brushing past him, causing him to wobble precariously. [15:57:58] <Festive_Blackson> Falling in slow motion [15:58:13] <blue_tetris> He's intercepted by a swinging I beam. [15:58:39] <blue_tetris> And it deposits him into central park, where couples are lounging by the grand lake. [15:58:53] <Festive_Blackson> He lies, unconscious. [15:59:15] <blue_tetris> Until a whismical gypsy wakes him and starts painting him. [15:59:37] <blue_tetris> And after he's been completely painted onto a portrait, the gypsy takes what's left of the money he found earlier. [15:59:53] <blue_tetris> And he's just a hobo again. [16:00:00] <Festive_Blackson> Camera zooms out, and you see the man with his painting, and a small band playing. [16:00:19] <Festive_Blackson> He jumps for joy, realizing how much he likes the painting [16:00:39] <Festive_Blackson> His lack of money seems to become real. [16:00:54] <blue_tetris> Day becomes evening, he goes back to his alley with his only remains of the events. [16:01:13] <blue_tetris> A portrait to show his fellow tramps of the brief shining moment where he was part of the City. [16:01:14] <Festive_Blackson> He starts to fall asleep [16:01:38] <blue_tetris> Pans out to show the whole of the city. [16:01:53] <Festive_Blackson> Cars are seen all around [16:02:00] <Festive_Blackson> Planes landing [16:02:13] <blue_tetris> Hobo reawakens. [16:02:27] <blue_tetris> He sees his fellow tramps driven to action. [16:02:32] <blue_tetris> They want to live that life too! :D [16:02:40] <blue_tetris> They gather their things with a maddening fury. [16:02:57] <Festive_Blackson> Suddenly, a sense of dread takes him over [16:03:07] <blue_tetris> And make portraits of themselves as well-dressed men about town. [16:03:26] <blue_tetris> With frantic nearly-angry passion. [16:03:40] <Festive_Blackson> He remembers the death of his father [16:03:44] <blue_tetris> :O [16:03:50] <flag> Hahaha. [16:03:55] <blue_tetris> You've ruined the entire rhapsody for me. [16:04:03] <blue_tetris> I'm at 11:30 [16:04:14] <blue_tetris> I hear industrial upbeat music, asshole. [16:04:23] * blue_tetris goes to listen to his own rhapsody. [16:04:34] <Festive_Blackson> Oh. [16:04:38] <Festive_Blackson> I was 20 seconds ahead the whole time. [16:04:42] <Festive_Blackson> Fuck, man. [16:04:43] <blue_tetris> ..... [16:04:47] <blue_tetris> The whole time? [16:04:51] <blue_tetris> Jesus. [16:05:09] <blue_tetris> I'm listening to Grieg's Hall of the Mountain King. [16:05:13] <blue_tetris> Don't follow me. :( [16:05:18] <Festive_Blackson> I don't have that. [16:05:20] <blue_tetris> GOOD! [16:05:39] <blue_tetris> DWARVES ASCEND THE TWISTING MOUNTAIN PRECIPICE TOWARDS A STORMWRACKED AND BROKEN CASTLE FROM YESTERYEAR [16:05:43] <blue_tetris> BUT YOU DONT GET TO KNOW [16:05:47] <blue_tetris> BECAUSE IT'S MY SONG [16:05:56] <Festive_Blackson> What the fuck kind of Rhapsody is that? [16:06:20] <blue_tetris> All the cool kids rhapsodize to this. [16:07:41] <Festive_Blackson> DUN DUN DUN! [16:07:44] <Festive_Blackson> He's suddenly wealthy [16:07:52] <Festive_Blackson> In a suite, at the top of a skyscraper [16:07:52] <blue_tetris> Who is? [16:07:54] <Festive_Blackson> Rags to riches [16:08:01] <Festive_Blackson> The guy [16:08:04] <Festive_Blackson> In MY rhapsody [16:08:09] <blue_tetris> You're still rhapping on that old blue rhapsody? [16:08:13] <blue_tetris> Pff. Get with the times. [16:08:24] <Festive_Blackson> Old blue rhapsody? [16:08:34] <Festive_Blackson> I was listening to this when you were in diapers. [16:08:41] <blue_tetris> We've all moved on to Aaron Copland's Hoedown. [16:08:45] <Festive_Blackson> I've been rhapsody-ing longer than you, kid. [16:08:58] <blue_tetris> THE GATES OPEN AND THE CROWD DRAWS IN FOR THE DAY'S COMPETITIONS [16:09:05] <Festive_Blackson> Rhapsody is all over. [16:09:21] <blue_tetris> SMILES LIGHT THE FACES OF EACH CHIL--:/ |
| #1591 2.12/5 blue_tetris 2009-11-05 |
[23:15:30] <@Dramador> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kGJLMsyzKY&feature=related **WATCH VIDEO*** [23:18:10] <~blue_tetris> Lincoln is gonna tap dat fine black ass. [23:18:30] <~blue_tetris> Instead of being on the penny, he's gonna be on the NICHOLS. |
| #482 1.91/5 blue_tetris 2008-01-24 |
[18:19:49] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^ ^ _> ^ [18:19:54] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,>^ _> ^ [18:19:59] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,o _> o [18:20:07] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^ o ,,> o [18:20:12] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^ ^ ,,> ^ [18:21:17] <&blue_tetris> 8===D ^ <_ ^ [18:21:25] <&blue_tetris> 8=====Do <_ o [18:21:31] <&blue_tetris> 8======o <_ o [18:21:35] <&blue_tetris> 8======o <_ o==D [18:21:47] <&blue_tetris> 8==o <_ o====D [18:21:54] <&blue_tetris> o <_ o======D [18:21:59] <&blue_tetris> o <_ o 8========D [18:22:06] <&blue_tetris> ^ <_ ^ 8========D [18:22:12] <&blue_tetris> ^ <_ ^ ^ _8========D ^ [18:24:31] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^ 8=====D [18:24:34] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^8=====D [18:24:38] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,8=====D [18:24:46] <&blue_tetris> - ,8=====D [18:25:02] <&blue_tetris> ^ ,,> ^ 8=====D,, |
| #2282 1.50/5 blue_tetris 2011-03-03 |
[00:01:39] <~blue_tetris> "Better luck next 9/11!" |